Holy welcome to 2011

Well, I think it's safe to say that life has dramatically changed in the course of almost two years spent in a monogamous relationship. Who can flipping believe it? I can't. I still have to poke myself and question what the fuck I'm doing then realize that life is happening right in front of me. We are in constant motion. I often feel like I'm on a see-saw and I'm trying to keep my balance with the other whilst making compromises whilst trying not to compromise myself. AGH it's insane. There's this wall that's there between families that are EXREMELY different. I'm okay with that. I like who I am and I love who I am with the other and I love that he loves me. That's all that really matters.

Homeward Bound

I decided to take a ride home last night to visit with a friend. It seems, as life moves forward and we continue on our separate paths, that he and I are still connected and understand each other. How and when and where it happens that two seemingly strangers come to a point where they meet and find comfort in one another is well, beyond me. There are friends in this lifetime that move away from us, that we forget about and, there are friends that no matter where you leave off, you somehow are able to pick right back up days, months and years later at the same spot. There's something extremely comforting in the fact that there are people out there that I care about and do care about me at some level. When I think about what it means to be a friend, I don't think about the amount of time we've spent together or the amount of words shared between us. No, I think about the bond that we've made, the interactions and the ability to trust in you as a friend. I have friends that I've known for years that barely know me. I have friends that I've just met that understand me on a deeper level than anyone I've ever known. So, conclusively, when I think of a friend, I feel as if there is a whole lot of grey matter involved. There's no telling even if I feel one way about you that you'll feel the same way about me.

All my love to my friends, my family, and those people that inspire me to be a stronger better person. I've decided that I'm going to work hard on my artwork today and make something new. New posting to come in the near future.

“Love is the only freedom in the world because it so elevates the spirit that the laws of humanity and the phenomena of nature do not alter its course”

Flagstaff, Arizona

500+ Miles to go. I am so looking forward to getting to San Diego. I'm glad I've been with John this whole time. I'm also glad I did not turn around and come back. My head has been killing me. My body feels gross from sitting for so long. I'm tired. BUT I have absolutely loved seeing Route 66 for a bajillion miles and road signs that ask, "U Got Jesus?" and seeing the lovely sights of New Mexico's plains. More than anything I feel truly blessed to have John here with me during this test of will since, during the first night of the trip I received a phone call from my parents to let me know my grandmother "grammi" died. Let's just say things weren't pretty for the proceeding hours. John was right there for me. A true friend indeed.

We are currently in Flagstaff, Arizona. We stayed in Albuquerque, New Mexico last night. Tulsa, Oklahoma the night before and, our first night was in Dublin, Ohio. We've eaten Denny's fine cuisine. Trust me when I say that in the mid and south west, they are considered culinary artists to the masses when your only other options are fast food and junk food. Truck stops have turned into our best friends and State Welcome signs have been a sight of sheer beauty. I've discovered that books on tape are not for me and have literally turned into a nap time pleasure while John is driving and listening to them. We have yet to see the world's largest ball of yarn nor anything particularly splendid. That's okay though, we are holding out for San Diego. A large glass of wine will be in order for John and I upon arrival no matter what time of day it is. 

So far, we've driven 2,600 miles. It's been a pleasure to experience this journey John. I'm glad, despite the current familial state, that I agreed to come along. More to come when I feel more up to posting about life as I know it. 

Post script; I disdain sunflower seeds and attempting to spit out the shell with my mouth still being full of ones ready to be chewed. GROSS.

Riding the long road to freedom

San Diego here I come.

I'm on my way to San Diego tomorrow morning. We'll see what's in store for this incredible adventure with one of the truest friends I know. Of course the trip will be long and daunting. You try and put to incredibly strong personalities in a Honda Fit for 44+ hours and get back to me.

I can't wait. This is something, I'm not sure of how exact, but something that I needed. I can't run away from life. I know that I can't keep running. What I do know is that every now and then we all need a refresher course on what are the most important things to us and a reminder of what we value. I don't expect this trip to accomplish everything or put me in a better place. I don't expect much from this trip except to get away for a week and forget about everything. 

I'll be writing along the way and posting at our stops. I don't think anyone actually reads this but I would like to keep a log of everything I see feel hear lalalala. You know all that jazz. Until the end. Your's truly, Maura Elizabeth Yurick.

Focus

It's been a while since I've written. A lot has gone on. Life has been a huge test lately of will and tolerance and hope. Since I've been back from Oregon I've moved out of my old apartment into an old leaning 10 bedroom house on Court Street in Dover. I've worked many hours at the group home. I've met new friends and caught up with old ones. The hardest part of life as of late has been staying strong in spite of family being ill. Only the strong will survive.

One of the worst things in the world to deal with is not being able to help a person recover from their pain. You can be force in their life that brings them home, that offers them something to live for yet, you can't make them have a will to live. No, you can only let them know how much you love them, how much you care and hope that they will survive. Love, I believe, transcends most battles and carries on with us in the heart of whatever storm we are fighting. How cliche yet true. 

My grandmother had her third stroke after she suffered a heart attack at home. It's hard to see her the way she is now. She's blind. She can barely talk. She isn't eating. My mother and uncle have some hard decisions to make in the next two weeks. My only hope is that she's comfortable and is not in severe pain. 

On a positive note, I'm heading out to San Diego with one of my best friends for a week. We are driving. We are going to blog along the way. So I'll keep you posted.

Other than what's gone on thus far, I'm working hard to stay focused on my goals. I'm trying not to feel stuck. I'm trying to have tons of adventures yet live simply. I'm trying real hard to let people know how I feel and hope they equally express their feelings to me. More than anything I'm trying real hard to just be myself and stop trying :).

Here's a little Guster for ya'll;

Will I get better or stay the same?

I find I always move too slowly

Can't lift a finger

Can't change my mind

I never knew till someone told me that

If that's all you will be 

You'll be a waste of time

You've dreamed a thousand dreams

none seem to stick in your mind

Reckless Abandon

There's a strange feeling brewing inside. I'm free. Free to feel. Free to move. I haven't lost direction. I'm finding my direction. I'm working on my map. This feeling is sinking to the core of my being. I'm terrified. Horrified. Fumbling. Making mistakes. Learning things about myself. Happy and sad all at once. For once, just once, I feel so free to move that I'm at a loss as to where I should go be say do love. 

I think my first step is going to be cleaning my room. Organize. Assess. Deliberate. 

Wish me luck.